I was in McDonalds a couple days ago and noticed that McNuggets came in orders of 6-pc, 9-pc, and 12-pc paks. So I requested a half-dozen nuggets and a Coke.
"Sorry, man, they only come in 6, 9, & 12-pieces", the young clerk replied.
"Oh, REALLY ?" - "You mean I can't order a half-dozen ?" I asked.
"Sorry", he repeated ... "Only what's on the menu".
"Hmmm...So what if I order a FULL DOZEN McNuggets", I suggest.
"Can't do it", he reiterated. "Just 6, 9, or 12."
"Aww, all right then ... Just make it 6", I relented.
And then it was off to Wal Mart, where I'm going thru the check-out line. And because there are people behind me, I offer one of those little divider bars to separate my stuff from their's. But as the clerk scans all my purchases, she gets to the bar, scans it, picks it up for inspection, then asks:
"Do you remember how much THIS was ?"
"Nothing ... It's a courtesy bar for between orders", I reply.
"Oh .. Sorry", she answers, sticking the bar in my bag, as she hands me my receipt.
Now get THIS !
I go outside, and on the way to the van, I see a gal standing beside her Mercedes, crying her eyes out as she stares helplessly at her car. Sensing a mechanical dilemma, I ask if there's anything I might do to help.
"I don't know", she answers. "My car is locked & I can't get in" "I think the battery might be dead on the lock."
"Well, does the alarm system work?", I ask.
She produces a set of keys and starts mashing on the buttons of her remote ...
then the tears start flowing all over again as she proclaims:
"Oh NOooo ! - The alarm battery is dead ALSOooo !"
So I take her keys, open the door for her, then suggest we go back in the store & try to find a battery for her remote.
Finally got that situation under control, so I started home. And along the way, I stop in at the local RV Supply House for a new roof vent. But out in the repair shop, I notice a large motor home with it's front end mangled beyond belief.
"Wow ! - What happened to THAT unit !" I ask curiously.
"Aww, the owner says he was driving down the highway when he got a craving for peanut butter & jelly ...
So he put on the cruise & went back to make himself a sandwich".
('Shame he wasn't out in West Texas or Central Kansas ... he might-a gotten away with it.)
But while the guy was pulling my roof vent, I was standing at the counter, when I overheard one of the girls in the office exclaim:
"I'm out of typing paper & I still have about two more pages to go !"
"That's okay .. just use a couple of sheets of copier paper", another girl suggested.
So I watched as the typist got up, went over to the copier, and confidently "printed out" her two sheets of paper to continue her typing.
And then that reminded me of a news story I'd heard about a recent police interrogation of a burglary suspect. This guy was so full of alibies every time they picked him up for one thing or another that the police KNEW they were in for a long night unless they could come up with a little more creative method of extruding information from him without stomping all over his civil rights.
So one of them.. a sergeant, went into the break room and came back with a colander strainer and an extension cord.
Another detective scrawled out a little sign, and put it in the copy machine.
Then they stripped the wires off one end of the cord & attached them to the collander, stuffing the other end beneath the copier.
Placing the colander over the suspect's head, the sergeant then informed him that he might as well not EVEN try to waste everybody's time with the usual lies, since they now had a foolproof lie detector.
And each time the crook answered a question, the detective would press the PRINT button on the copier, producing a message that read:
"HE'S LIEING"
After just a few minutes, the suspect confessed to everything, realizing ... as he admitted himself:"That's the smartest machine I ever saw !"
And did you hear about the 911 call from the distraught mother of a 2-year old ?
Seems she caught him eating ants from the kitchen floor, so she called for emerency help.
"If he's allergic to the ants, just give him a little liquid Benedryl", the advisor suggested.
"Are there any adverse symptoms ?" she asked. "Any skin rash or shortness of breath ?"
"Yes, but I don't know if it's because of the ants or the ant KILLER I gave him", the mom answered.
"WE HAVE AN EMERENCY VEHICLE EN ROUTE !" The advisor responded.
And so I "axe" you once more ... With Feeling ...
Are we REALLLY evolving in the right direction ???
Are we REALLLY evolving in the right direction ???
Or as the "Onecat" would say ...
"Life is sooo interesting .. IF you don't take it seriously" ....
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