What, with this global warming thing .. (we call it "Spring" around here), and the livestock droppin' young-uns all over the place and all. And as V-P Dick Cheney said the other day ... "I hate to sound alarmist, but it's gonna be getting a lot warmer over the next few months". That Mr. Cheney - I bet he'd be a good farmer when he gets outta D.C. He's got w
hat them black suit fellas call "MOXEY", which I guess means he's got plenty of money and he's sly as a fox.That's him congratulating Algore on the monstrous $100,000,000 scam job he's pulled off so far on the gullible "progressive" global warming crowd. He offered up a "cool" handshake diced with a smidgen of organic waste for his begonia garden back at the Tennessee mansion.
But Cheney's environmentally conscious too. I heard he's instructed his medical staff that any future emergency trips to the hospital MUST be by hybrid ambulance only ... no more wasteful pollution-emitting gas hogs to sully HIS carbon footprint. No siree !
And so I figgered while I'm gnawing on this peanut butter sandwich for lunch break, maybe ya'll would appreciate a few MORE bits of country boy wisdom I've stashed in the old noggin during my learned lifetime. Probably not, but here goes anyway :
* A long time ago it occurred to me that I'm really quite unique ... just like everybody else.
* And - If you ever get to thinking that maybe nobody really cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of car payments.
* A thousand mile journey begins with a leaky tire and a broken fan belt.
* All your friends seem normal 'till you really get to know 'em.
* Before you criticize somebody, you oughta walk a mile in their shoes. Then you'll be a mile away from 'em .... and you'll have their shoes.
* Don't ever be irreplacable. If you can't be replaced, then you can't be promoted either.
* Don't ever test the depth of the waters with both feet.
* If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you better not take up skydiving.
* Grampa used to say, "Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day." "TEACH him how to fish, & he'll spend the whole damned day in a boat drinkin' beer."
* If you lend someone 20 bucks and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* Some days you're the bug ... Some days you're the windshield.
* The ONLY way you're gonna double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your wallet.
* A closed mouth gathers no foot.
* And - You can't be learnin' much if your lips are moving.
* And - Never miss out on a good chance to shut up for a change.
* There are two theories for successfully arguing with a woman .... but neither one of 'em works, so just forget it.
* I've come to the conclusion that duct tape is like "The Force". It has a light side, a dark side, and I swear it can hold the universe together.
* It's always darkest before the dawn, so that's the best time to sneak over and snag your neighbor's newspaper.
Yep, living out here in Hootersville has definitely given me some valuable learning experience all right. But then come to think of it, experience is something you don't actually get until AFTER you needed it.
Oh well ... ya'll have a good 'un anyway.
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